Friday, September 12, 2008

Mormonlandia

I'm off to Utah for a few days. Time with La Creep and Baby Desmundis.

I woke up with this song in my head. Especially the line Superstar in your own private movie, I wanted just a minor part. . .

Blue Flower
Mazzy Star

I did an odd thing yesterday evening, I pulled out journals of mine from earlier this year and I read them. Very strange indeed. I have to find my Cuba journal, I think that one will be particularly interesting. I sat on my balcony and read while hummingbirds dive-bombed each other for a go at my nectar feeder. I am painfully honest in journals and I cringed many times while rereading them. I realize I walked around much of the year wearing my pain as a kind of secret body armor to keep from letting myself be vulnerable.

My vulnerability is back. Working on this essay about growing up Jehovah's Witness has been a mindfuck. All sorts of things I thought I had let go of have come gushing back into my life. I've had to examine so many things that I don't think I ever really examined before and it is not easy. But at the end of the day, I really like who I am. Had to go through all of that madness to get here. But often I want to swoop back in time and find that sad little girl I was, hold her and tell her it won't always suck so terribly bad.

I read this fantastic article last night, lined from Arts and Letters Daily. What Makes People Vote Republican by Jonathon Haidt. I dug it very, very much.

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