Monday, September 22, 2008

Not So Vegas

Homeward Bound
Simon & Garfunkel

I'm in Las Vegas for my sister's 21st birthday. I'm with my mother, grandmother and both of my sisters. It is nice to be with family but Las Vegas is always some sort of odd bubble in my chest. It is interesting but the excess and vulgarity hurt me. From the hotel room I can see passed the glitz and artificial splendor of the city to the desert. It is red and orange in the morning light, deep v-shaped shadows spilling down the sides of the mountains.

I prefer that type of beauty to the beauty that has been created here by man. Yes, it is spectacular and at times stunning but it is not real. People walk around dressed up in hyper-reality fantasy, drinks in hand and money burning. Much is profane here. I know there is another side to the city that I don't see and maybe I am harsh to judge. But I have never really felt comfortable here. A little of that crazy artificiality threatens to slip into me and I have to fight it to stay clean. Everything here has been brought here, the plants are not native and nor are the people.

I was dreaming of my poetry last night, and of Adrien Brody. Not a bad combination at all! In my dreams I was creating large red flowers out of paper but they were poems too. It is stirring in me. Something is touching me the right way, reminders of what I used to think was natural. Something I thought I lost forever. Something about it brings some sadness too. As much as I love how I have evolved, I know something has been lost in the evolution. Trust, mostly. In my instincts and intuition. Getting that back will be a process. It is like a broken teacup I glued back together. It holds but not quite the same and the chances of shattering are tenfold.

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