Monday, October 6, 2008

outside of myself

The weekend was a success. Saturday afternoon I went to the International Book Fair and caught a great panel from some of the writers in Latinos in Lotusland. I sat with Lorna Dee Cervantes and gave her the first copy of my manuscript. It was great talking with her and remembering Taller Ixchel at Isla Mujeres in 2001. I think that is when I really decided to dedicate myself wholly to my poesia. That evening I went to the Art of Democracy at the Centro Saturday evening. Good show and good to see people I haven't connected with in a while. I wore my cowboy boots and felt divine. It rained Saturday evening. Late that night I went for a walk. The sky was inky blue and clean. The water in the parched ground smelled holy.

But, I am outside of my mind a bit. I have been over-stimulated and it is trying to force me to shut down. But I can't shut down because I have reading this week in OC and I have to finish my chapbook. But to finish my chapbook I need help from humans and I am at my saturation point of human contact. Lame.

I've been going through the box of adolescent writing my parents gave me and it is a little disturbing; looking at the the wound that caused the tissue I'm used to these days. No wonder I was a goth teenager. I had some deep sadness in me, even way back then. I was quite the existential teenager, writing about attachment and expectations. I wrote a lot about losing faith. We had just recently stopped being Jehovahs Witnesses back then. The little monsters seem like they have been haunting me forever. .

These Arms
Matt Costa

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