Wednesday, June 24, 2009

bliss

I arrived in San Francisco yesterday for VONA.  I'm not enrolled this week but wanted to come up early to spend time with my great friends Patricia and Sharline.  They are both incredibly writers and I consider them sisters.  We met at VONA years ago and have maintained a close friendship even tough we only see each other about once a year.  As soon as we are together we start laughing and don't stop.  We had dinner last night with other writer friends and then spent time with the incredibly gifted Tony Khalife.  Tony is a brilliant musician.  Last night we sat with him while he played guitar.  He played us the blues and we made up silly verses.  It sounds juvenile but it really was a great thing.  I love my life in San Diego and my friends but when I come up to see my friends here, something comes alive inside of me.

Last night I sat up late and realized I have been hibernating for a very long time.  Not that I haven't been social or those things but I have lost a bit of myself to fear.  I have to figure out how to let go of that.  My heart has been in a lock-box.  Not that I am anywhere near wanting to unlock that box but I have a new awareness of it.  I've been so inside of myself that I forget the things I really love.  I forget how much I enjoy writing and being creative, I miss connecting with like-minded people.

Next week I will be studying and working with Ana Castillo.  I submitted the first few chapters of my novel to her.  I haven't ever showed it to anyone for critique yet and am curious as how it will go over.  I love my book and maybe for that reason I am scared to show it to anyone.  I fear it won't be received by others the way I want it to.  We will see.

If I Were Your Woman
Gladys Knights and the Pips

No comments: