Monday, August 24, 2009


Weird things going on with my physical health.  Heart palpitations, crazy bouts of exhaustion that knock me out.   Whatever.  It could be worse.

Working on a poem this morning.  Meeting tomorrow night with a new novel writing group to discuss  how it will work out.

I have all sorts of itches these days, none stronger than the itch to get out of town but I am broke broke broke and travel is not in the cards these days.  Instead I spend my pennies on expensive beer and the occasional concert.

Casimir Pulaski Day
Sufjan Stevens

Friday, August 21, 2009

Beau, born, beautiful

Happiest of birthdays to my bestie, Beau! 

B, when you showed up at my doorstop, unexpected and smiling with a six-pack and mix tape, I had no idea that you were going to make my life such a nicer place to live.  Your friendship, companionship and lerve mean the world to me. 

Thank you for being there for me 24/7, for the little things you do daily.  Thank you for always getting up to get me chocolate when the cravings hit; for always showing up with groceries and beer; for the complicated and sometimes challenging meals you take hours to prepare.  For the music and singing along with me when I'm being goofy. Thank you for always driving.  Thank you for indulging my silly side when I get into the DZ and thank you for getting into the DZ yourself. Thank you for talking me down when I am about to freak out and thank you for letting me freak out when I need to.  For your infinite patience when I am in monsters of moods and the crankiest, snappiest thing around, I am grateful. Thank you for your shoulder for crying and your hand for holding when I am lost in the blues.  Thank you for laughing at my dumb jokes. Gracias for making me laugh daily and for making me think when my brain just wants to be lazy. Thank you for picking my drunk butt up from bars when I need an escape. Thank you for taking care of me when I'm sick and worrying about my health when I forget to worry about it. Thank you for mentioning less and less how bad I am at doing dishes. Thank you for all of your hard work on my chapbook and the poem-a-day project. Thank you for all the mints. Thank you for growing a beard for a month so we could be the perfect Joseph and Mary for Halloween. Thank you for giving me space when I needed it. Lerve to you for the shoulder massages when the tension has me in its claws. Thank you for the hours spent on the sofa lost in Deadwood, True Blood and for indulging my obsession with watching Jeopardy and getting excited with me whenever a "dream board" appears.

From the beginning, you have been the most loyal and loving friend anyone would hope for. You enhance my life daily. You've opened my palate to a world of phenomenal (and sometimes weird) culinary experiences.  If you were ice cream you'd be my favorite flavor. I wish you love, uncomplicated joy, the good kinds of challenges and more joy.  Know that I love you deeply, appreciate you daily and that your name is tattooed on my heart.  Thank you for being my friend. Happy birthday Beau, I am SO glad you were born.

You Are the Best Thing
Ray LaMontagne

Wednesday, August 19, 2009


The last few days have been pretty effen interesting.  

My morning tragedy:  I want another cup of coffee but am out of cream. Metaphor anyone?

Monday, August 17, 2009

the first pancake

Thinking this morning of my mom and her first pancake metaphor.  She says that having children is like making pancakes.  When you make pancakes the first one always turns out a little odd, either because the pan isn't hot enough or is too hot, there is too much butter, etc.  I always think of this when making pancakes.  She says I am her first pancake, the odd one.  Thanks, Mom.  I, writing this as B makes fresh fruit waffles with the gluten-free waffle mix I found at Trader Joe's. I heart having B as my bestie, he really and truly enhances my life.

My friend KVT visited from Kansas that last few days and we had a really good time.  We saw live music every night, did lots of shopping for things that are impossible to find in Kansas and had a good time in general.  

Reading more than writing this week but I have more time on my hands this week so I plan on knocking some chapters out.  Only way to get to the other side is to go through it.  F the blues, they are part of the writing/living process.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

moving along

Yesterday I finished The Astonishing Life of Octavian Nothing, Traitor to the Nation, Vol. 1: The Pox Party, by M.T. Anderson. Pretty effen amazing writing.  It takes place during the American Revolution.  I'm too tired this morning to get into the many details of why I recommend it but the short list is that the story is disturbingly fascinating and the writing is so gorgeous it made my heart hurt.

I got Ray LaMontagne tickets for November!  So did Beau.  We ended up with six tickets.  We have ticket for 2 shows, the first show our tickets are fine and the second night, well, the happy dance I did when I saw where we were sitting is one of the happiest happy dances I've ever danced. I'm so happy that I finally get to see him live. 

A good friend is coming out in a couple of days from Kansas.  I very much look forward to seeing her, its been a year and half since we have spent any time together.

The writing: meh.  After writing that disturbing scene last week I've been avoiding writing at all.  I think I'm a little bit frightened of what will come out.  I'm being a total lame-ass about it, I know.  I have to dive in, get into the ugly stuff, let it get all over me and then deal with it. Soon enough.   

Peaceable Kingdom
Patti Smith

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

doing and doing

The full moon has had me a little loopy but I'm getting better. I wrote a very tense scene in the novel yesterday.  I'm finding there is a lot of rage in the story that I am not really prepared for, towards a character I thought would be minor.  It is pretty surprising to me to see where it is going.  I thought I knew exactly what I wanted to write but my subconscious has other ideas, apparently. My new trick to getting writing done is to unplug my internet for a few hours and to put my phone on silent and leave it in the other room.  Sitting down to just do the work is much harder than one would think.  But, I'm doing it.

Monday I failed in my attempts to get pre-sale tickets for Ray LaMontagne.  He is playing in L.A. is November, the venue only has 2000 seats.  I'm pretty bummed that every time I try to see him, the tickets sell out and I can't get any.  He isn't playing a San Diego show. I think I listen to Ray LaMontagne every single day.  He has a song for every mood.  His voice strikes a resonant chord in my soul and just gets to me. I listen to him while I'm writing as well.  I even thanked him at the back of half life of memory since I was listening to his music while I wrote many of the poems.  Single tickets are already going for $130 on craigslist. Scalpers=lame.

My dreams last night were incredibly intense, I kept waking up to think of them and this morning I am somewhat dazed by what my mind comes up with.  My dream world is a very, very interesting place and I am constantly awed by the fact that I go to the same "world" nightly; that I have a home there and friends who don't exist in my waking life.  I could draw a map of where I go when I sleep, that is how real it is. For some reason. it is always dusk there.

I'm going to listen to some audiobooks today of gorgeous writing to get the rhythm back into my head.  I'm choppy for some reason.  Time to get back to the meditation.  Oh my love-hate with meditating!  Those first 10 minutes my mind is freaking out over trying to reign in silence are the worst. 

Ray LaMontage

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Monday, August 3, 2009

writers & such

This weekend I had a couple of VONA writers over to workshop.  We spent al afternoon yesterday work-shopping each other's poems and fiction and we also did some writing exercises. I had given them the "translated" version of my first chapter and received feedback that was really good.  I have a few things to clean up then move on to the next chapter, not just in the book but in writing life.

My days/nights have extraordinarily busy.  All sorts of different people coming in and out of town, deadlines to make, work to submit and just trying to keep up with the writing in general.  still trying to get in enough "lizz time" so I don't go nuts.  Solitude is a rare thing these days but I know once summer is over things will chill out and I'll have time back again.  Again, I am amazed at people with real responsibilities who still find time to write.

Good things are coming,  More on that when I have more details. . .

When the Night Comes
Dan Auerbach