Monday, November 30, 2009

holiday madness

Not really.  The holiday weekend was very mellow.  I spent much of it on the sofa engrossed in the new Barbara Kingsolver book The Lacuna. I dig it so far.  I'm not as into it as I was Prodigal Summer but I have a lot of respect for the work that went into it.  In style it really does remind me of Latin American literature. Much of it takes place in Mexico and there is a bit of Spanish thrown in.  I've found one mistake so far.  Early in the book the narrator describes the horns of a mariachi band but at the time the narration is set, horns hadn't yet been introduced to mariachi bands.  Hollywood did that in the 30s.  I can't find any documentation of this on the internet but I remember my old mariachi teacher telling me this when I played in the the group. So it must be true.

I've been in a quiet place, contemplative.  The holiday season always does this to me, the same sad song.  I'm over all of my old holiday angst but the part that is still a little girl hates the holidays as much as she did as a child.  It was the season of alienation back then.  Of all the things I endured as a Jehovah's Witness child, holidays were the worst.  It's like muscle memory, but with emotions.  I feel slightly panicked and want to hibernate. And I have been.  I think over the weekend I left the apartment twice.  But I did do some writing so I don't feel too guilty.  And I save money when I stay home.

Bon Iver

Monday, November 23, 2009

new new new

A new idea is brewing and I dig it very much.  Been taking notes on it all weekend, and I think it will be a winner.  I've been changing how I see things a bit. Last night (as I watched the AMAs, rock on Adam Lambert and what were you thinking J-Lo?) I wrote down my ideas, started a new folder. I'm excited.

I cried through night two of Ray Lamontagne at the Orpheum Saturday night.  His show was slightly different Saturday night, not as chatty and way more emotional. The blues came out in his voice, husky, thrilling. Our seats we better, in the mezzanine.  We could almost see his facial features as he sang.

Open Heart Surgery
Brian Jonestown Massacre

Saturday, November 21, 2009

sung out, wrung out

Last night I finally got to see Ray Lamontagne for the first time, at the Orpheum in LA. I wept. I was also incredibly tired so extra emotional. I loved the show. Just him and his guitar and that voice that enters me like a ghost or knife and tears me up inside. The theatre was gorgeous, but I didn't care. All I cared about was seeing the man whose voice has had me entranced for years. He was chattier than I thought he would be. He was funny in a quiet way and seemed not as shy as I imagined him to be. B and I had seats way up high, almost at the back of the theatre. I wanted at several points to punch people in the crowd who were shouting out idiotic things. It may be one of my pet peeves at concerts, though I know it comes with the territory of live music. But he was soft-spoken and when the crowd was shouting and yelling out their absurdities I couldn't hear him and was annoyed. He sang almost all of my favorite songs. I cried through at least half the set, with joy, and some deep sorrow his voice brings out in me. The collar of my shirt was soaking wet by the time we left. The people we were with wanted to go out after for a drink but I needed to be in my solitude and contemplation, I still am in it. Holy crap. I'm thrilled we get to see him again tonight and that our seats are better. We're still rather high up but not as high up as last night. I was emotionally exhausted after the show and slept deeply. I wish poetry had the same effect on crowds of people. It should, but people don't know how to listen.

This morning I've been sitting with some Alberto Rios poems and getting lost in the language:

The curious lavender attentions to itself of the jacaranda
Stopped me, as through the leaves and small avenues

In late summer I made my way in love toward you.
The trees flowering was an intimacy I had not earned,

I can barely breathe when language like that is before me. I wish I could wear it as perfume, put it on my wrists so all day I could stop to smell it pulsing along the vein there.

I am so ready for more life.

Friday, November 20, 2009

friday I'm in love

Super excited to see Ray Lamontagne tonight! I woke up at six like a kid going to Disneyland.  Yay!!!

Thursday, November 19, 2009

bah, morning

Note to self: no red wine on weeknights.

Last night The Latent Print had their submission party at the Whistle Stop.  It sounds very kinky and all but no such wonderment.  It was a about getting people to submit to the journal.  They premiered the art film of my poem love poem to myself since no one else has bothered to write one. I was really nervous about seeing it and slurped down two glasses of wine rather quickly and am paying the price for it this morning,  Don't do that. But the little film was great!  It was weird seeing myself on screen but totally kind of cool too.  I may have to go into acting. 

There was also a late-night adventure involving being locked out of my apartment.  Because of recent nocturnal activity that has me hyper-vigilant, there was no way to break in. I considered putting a ladder on the roof of my car to break into the kitchen window but instead was able to wake up my apartment manager for the spare key.

Last night at the Whistle they also showed a short film called Fishbowl, directed by the late Kayo Hatta.  It was pretty damn good.  I enjoyed the writing in it a lot.  Very much had a sense of place and time and the characters were rockin'.

Yesterday was a good day.  It has been a good week.  Going to LA tomorrow for the weekend and I'm crazy excited to see Ray Lamontagne.  How about a little Ray for the blog today? Sounds goof, sounds very good.  I love him.  I'm going to cry my eyes out if he sings this song.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009


My heart broke  yesterday when a friend posted a link on her Facebook page about the death of a 19 year old gay man, Jorge Steven Lopez Mercado.  He was found burned, dismembered and decapitated outside of his hometown of Cagua, Puerto Rico.  As horrifying as this hate crime was, the comments of police investigator Angel Rodriguez were horrendous: people who lead this type of lifestyle need to be aware that this will happen. I woke up a few times last night thinking of poor Jorge and what he had suffered. I thought of his family and cried.  I called my grandmother in Puerto Rico and she hadn't even heard about the crime, which is strange because PR is the kind of island (in my experience) where news and gossip flies faster than light.  

It was a horrible day for news yesterday, I had many reasons to cry.  I cried over the death of Shaniya Davis.  I cried for Jorge. I used to have a rule to not watch or read the news because I am overly sensitive and will have nightmares. 

My heart goes out to the families of Jorge and Shaniya.

Monday, November 16, 2009

driving backwards

I keep having dreams about driving in reverse. I'm good at it my dreams but it makes me uncomfortable.  According to an online dream dictionary: To dream that you are driving a car in reverse, suggests that you are experiencing major setbacks in your goals. I feel pretty good about my goals. I'm slacking on a few projects I should be taking care of but that's nothing new. 

Busy week.  Sleep hasn't been coming easy but I'm working on it. The weather is beautiful.  I'm looking for things and more often than not, finding them. 

Saturday, November 14, 2009

work, more work, and then some

Things are taking off in lovely ways.  I haven't blogged in a few but only because I've been so damn busy and have been writing a lot in the mornings. Since I've blogged last I had my reading at Open Door Books, I read with the love Diane Gage.  Last night I read at Freedoms of Expression, a new event sponsored by the So Say We All, Train of Thought and the ACLU.  I was blown away by how many people showed up!  It was a packed house. There were singers, slam poets, prose writers and me..  The uber-talented Rob Williams read a great piece about marriage equality. The event may be a regular thing and it should be. 

I went to LA on Thursday to see a reading at the central library and ran into Lorna Dee Cervantes. We hung out afterward for a few hours and had some beautiful conversations.  I love her, I love her work and I love everything about her.  Yeah, I'm gushing, but how freaking rad is it to get to hang out with one of your favorite poets?  Juan Felipe Herrera 

Tonight I filmed a piece for the Latent Print.  We filmed one of my poems for their show at the Whistle Stop on Wednesday.  I am damn excited.  Pretty much it will look like I have a twin sister but that's all I can say, you'll have to watch it. I love performing, I can't lie. The show starts at 8, it will be brilliant. Brilliant!! Come.

Still having sleep issues from my intruder, I wrote a poem about it trying to move through it, around it, to get to the other side.  I fall asleep fine but if there are any other noises in the apartment I lose my shit and have mini panic attacks. It will get better.

Spent some loving time yesterday at the Peace School with La Creep and Baby D.  Peace school is pretty damn cool.  I got to be a pre-schooler again.  I painted rocks, sat in a tiny, tiny chair and had a lot of fun reading the kiddies Chika Chika Boom Boom. I used different voices.  Love kids, but being around so many I think my ovaries sealed themselves shut.  In loving news, Baby D has decided he is a super hero.  When asked what he is fighting for he says social justice. Hell. Yeah.


Sunday, November 8, 2009

come to me

I have reading today at 3pm at Open Door Books with poet Diane Gage.  An open mic will follow.

Feeling alive, there is so much color around me.

Friday, November 6, 2009

Thursday, November 5, 2009

I attempt to catch up

I have been weirdly busy but not really busy at all.  I've been working on new writing all week, some new poems and a couple of longer pieces.  My life fills up quickly too, with all the friends I attempt to keep up with and then the down time I try (and often fail) to take for myself.  

I have been having trouble sleeping.  I had an unfortunate incident a couple of weeks ago with an intruder in my home in the middle of the night and ever since I've been very jumpy.  Every little noise wakes me up and as a result I have been exhausted during the days.  I wasn't hurt, only terrified, there are worse things.

I didn't get a scholarship to Key West Literary Seminar but I did get a very nice financial aid package.  I have to pay for my own airfare and it is pretty dang expensive.  I have a decision to make, car insurance or Key West?  Key West wins.  

I have a reading this Sunday at 3pm at Open Door Books in Pacific Beach.  An open mic will follow.  I will debut some new stuff I dig, try it on, see how it feels. The reading starts at 3pm. Come on down, say hello!

I just heard Cafe Tacuba is coming to House of Blues on the 25th of this month.  Can I handle it?  Can I?!?!

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

the dead, the living, other incidentals.

I made my Day of the Dead altar this weekend.  On the altar I have my grandfather, Michael Jackson, Patrick Swayze, B's grandmothers and a couple of friends of his who passed last year.  I love the ritual of creating the altar.  Last night I lit the candles and sat in front of it for a long time remembering my grandfather.  Pretty beautiful.  The full moon had me a little crazy last night  Full moon and Day of the Dead, intense.

Halloween was a blast.  I can't post my entire costume because it was pretty racy.  B was the Joker in the nurse uniform which people loved. I never saw the Dark Night so it was out of context for me.  We had people over to my place for dinner and then took the crowd the the Whistle where we danced our booties off.  Pretty great Halloween, today, Tuesday, I may finally have recovered.  There were a couple of minor adventures including a man who followed me out of the bar screaming Latina! Latina! He then told B You want to keep your Latina happy?  Keep her in the kitchen! I am no one's Latina.  I belong to me, quite happily.

Lots of writing planned today.  Locking myself in my office until this afternoon.  I'm reading my Heroes poem at the opening of the Chula Vista City Council Meeting today at 4.