I've been in a quiet place, contemplative. The holiday season always does this to me, the same sad song. I'm over all of my old holiday angst but the part that is still a little girl hates the holidays as much as she did as a child. It was the season of alienation back then. Of all the things I endured as a Jehovah's Witness child, holidays were the worst. It's like muscle memory, but with emotions. I feel slightly panicked and want to hibernate. And I have been. I think over the weekend I left the apartment twice. But I did do some writing so I don't feel too guilty. And I save money when I stay home.