Friday, February 19, 2010

apocalyspe

I keep dreaming of the end of the world. I wake up thinking I should stock up on dry goods, water, batteries. It passes.

Yesterday I was dealt a blow that is the end of the world for me. The family business is in very poor shape, things are dire. In 30 years, it has never been this bad. I cried for a good part of the evening. My parents are the best human beings I know, they've worked hard their entire lives to have the business and they're good at what they do. It kills me that it could fail. My dad is an honest man, almost to a fault and I've watched him be taken advantage of over and over again but in the end he believes that people are inherently good and he will come out on top for all of his hard work. I cried for him most of the evening, he is such a good human, the hardest working, and generous person I've ever met, he has never harmed a soul in his life. It isn't fair that someone with so much integrity and love for the world could be devastated by it. I don't know what they would do. My sister and I are young enough to start over and figure things out. My parents have put their entire lives into this business, I don't know if they have the kind of skills today's world demands to enter the work force anew. If I were a believer I would offer anything, everything, to make it okay. I would sacrifice most futures for them, become a flagellant, offer my fertility away, shave my head, I love them so much. I called my dad last night, upset, to tell him I love him. He assured me things will be okay. He is an optimist. I don't think he has any other choice. I'm going to try to be one with him.

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