Friday, May 7, 2010

gah

I'm sitting in a hotel room in Las Vegas, waiting for room service and working on the slideshow for my grandfather's funeral Monday. This week has been 90% horrible. It seems everything that could have gone wrong did. Death, arguments, misunderstanding, breaking my own rules. And today, my car broke down right when I was leaving to come to Vegas for my sister's graduation tomorrow. Looks like the radiator went out. I should be patient with the shit but I'm not. I'm annoyed as hell and cranky, cranky, cranky. I've had almost zero time to myself, tonight is the first time I've had any solitude. I have zero energy. I love my family but they can be draining, especially when I'm so used to being mostly alone all of the time.

Tomorrow my baby sister graduates and we'll celebrate this milestone in her life with food and drink. I'll welcome the joy of the occasion. The next day we drive home for my grandfather's wake and we bury him on Monday. I've had no time to even grieve, though I'm sure I'm putting my grief into other actions. I am so, so grateful for other actions.

My cousins left the hotel room a little while ago and I played Roy Orbison's Crying because it was one of my grandfather's favorite songs. I couldn't even cry, I'm too tired. I also have to write something to say at the service on Monday. This week can't be over soon enough. But, I have work to do. Sad face. Grumble, grumble.

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