Tuesday, June 1, 2010

thoughts on orbiting friends

In my dreams last night I was leaving Key West. It makes sense since before bed I was talking to my good friend Tioti who lives down there. Last night I spent a good part of the evening editing poems. I was working on a poem that started off with a trip T and I took to a nude beach in Key West. The poem evolved into something else completely but the heart of it was true to the kind of friendship Tioti and I have. In Key West we sat on his deck nightly looking out over the canals and talked intimately for hours. He gave me one of the best looks a human being has ever given me. I remember thinking This is how I always want to be looked at. Last night he told me an emotional darkness has landed on everyone in Key West and they walk around dazed, waiting for the oil. Town meetings are being held every night. People are crying openly in the streets. I can't imagine. My heart hurts for him and his family, everyone who is affected by the disaster. He has a wonderful girlfriend and beautiful twin boys who are keeping him grounded but still, my friend is hurting.

I find out about Squaw Valley next week, I hope I get in and hope if I do, I can some financial aide. I need something to look forward to.

My old mentor and friend J from Mexico emailed me yesterday to tell me he is coming for a visit. I haven't seen him in 2 years. He found out recently he has cancer but the treatments are going well and he can travel. It will be good to see him though I wonder about the dynamic. We tend to fight after being together for more than a few hours. The night we met I was housesitting in San Miguel. It was December and cold, and the owner of the house/art studio had forewarned me a friend of his was coming to stay and that he was a bit of a rake. I was sitting in front of the fire, playing with a kitten when Jeffrey thundered in wearing jeans, a suit jacket and bright red Converse. He came up, grabbed a handful of paint from the palette I had next to me smeared it on his face then offered to buy me dinner. He is a brilliant artist. He introduced me to Rilke and for that (and so many other reasons) I will be forever grateful.

Another brilliant artist is coming to stay with me this weekend. My friend Adam is coming from San Francisco. We're going to paint a mural in my bathroom. Or, Adam will paint it while I watch. I've known Adam since I was 14. He was my first boyfriend. I have drawings of his from way back then, as he has poems of mine from those days. I look forward to the sea creature he will paint in my bathroom.

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