A couple of nights ago I went with a friend to the monthly planetarium show in Balboa Park. We had happy hour appetizers and drinks at the Prado then geeked out learning about the winter constellations. Learning about the Crab Nebula thrilled me, I wish I could have seen the supernova 1000 years ago. After the planetarium show we peered through telescopes that were set up outside. I saw Saturn's rings and moons, nebula and other celestial bodies. It made me want to spend more time outside of the city, more time looking up.
Yesterday I went wine tasting with my mother, sister and my mom's friend. I don' drink white wine because for some odd reason it makes me crazy and gives me a horrendous hangover. I hadn't had any white wine in 2 years. But I figured a few sips during wine tasting wouldn't kill me. I was wrong. I was sick last night and had a headache that made me very regretful of my choice. Only red wine for me from now on. But it was a lovely day. I should get out of the city more, even if just for long drives.
I've been on the strange edge of panic for a while now. I talk myself down but can't find the heart of my fear. I've been trying to pinpoint where my irrational thoughts come from. Not a pretty process but a necessary one. I can't exorcise all my demons, what left would I have to write about? New demons would arrive, surely. Or old demons would stay, disguised to rise up when I least expect them.