Thursday, October 20, 2011

I fill my mouth with water

Last night before bed I was digging around under my bed and I found a handwritten poem. I don't remember writing it but I must have, in the last year and a half or so. I remember one line, I remember writing the one line and immediately after I started crying and cried a good, hard cry. Reading the poem last night I had forgotten the why or how of it came to me but the emotion is there, the duende. Next to the first few lines I annotated the meter, which is very strange since I rarely ever count out the meter. I must have gone into the writing with the intention of form, the first few lines are in iambic pentameter; maybe an attempt at a sonnet? Regardless, there are parts of the poem that are fucking gorgeous, getting my mouth around them is sweet. It makes me want to write more. The ending is a lament, I almost want to go to my knees when I read it. I kind of don't want to edit it, but I will. There is a part in the middle I don't at all like but it was the gate to getting to the line I love, to the end.

I had dreams last night that left me contemplative. I suppose this is called turning the corner, seeing the light; all those cliches that attempt to assuage the mucky walk that is moving on. I am somehow reminded of the different sacrifices in the bible and ways of penance. Sackcloth and ashes. Blood offerings. Burnt offerings. How different animals were opened for different sins. I can make lists of what I have sacrificed, maybe I will. Could be the basis for some poems. Perhaps, perhaps.

I may sound morose but really, I'm not. Contemplation is different from sadness. I think the two can be confused, and of course there are times when they are dancing a moribund waltz on one's heart, but it isn't always a bad thing. Aristotle said contemplation is the highest form of human activity. Get thee to thinking! And being.

And listen to this song. I love Andrea Echeverri.

2 comments:

cafesitapoeta said...

three things:
1. your title was the first thing that caught my eye, it's beautiful. I love the imagery, there is so much filling your mouth - so much you have to say. And at the same time, if there is too much water in there, too many words, you may choke.
2. it was just a wonderful read, the reference of the duende was perfect - unexpected, unthought of, just wonderful.
3. Los Arteciopelados added the perfect touch. Ever heard the song "El Estuche?"

Lizz Huerta said...

Thanks! I LOVE "El Estuche." Anything by Aterciopelados, really. I love Andrea's new album, it is lovely.