Saturday, January 21, 2012

a month of mornings

Not blogging this month so much because I have so much else taking up my mornings. Because of the vegan choice this month, I've had to eat breakfast every day. I have been writing every morning, which has been good for, real, honest journaling. Not that I am dishonest in my journaling practice but realize I have spent a lot of time writing and contemplating the external over the internal.

Not drinking these last 21 days has been interesting , quieting. M social life has come to a standstill. I wake up awake and alert every morning. It isn't that I drink a lot, I like a glass of wine in the evening and I have drinks on the weekends when I go out. But when I do have 2 drinks or more I don't sleep as well and my mornings are crankier. I've lost some weight without alcohol, and with the vegan experiment too, I'm sure. I have to remind myself to eat constantly; dates, nuts, hummus, avocados, to keep my blood sugar up or I get dizzy and black spots in my vision when I get up. It has been a learning process.

This whole month has been interesting, introspective. I have been spending a lot of time alone. I'm rearranging furniture, getting rid of things I don't need or want anymore. Making space, clearing space.

I went rock climbing last week with REI Outdoor School. It was something I've been wanting to try for a long time. Knowing you want to do something and actually trying to do it are pretty different. I went to the class brash, eager to get up on some rocks and see what I could do. As soon as I was on the cliff, harnessed, clipped in and hanging fifty feet in the air, my feet pressed into the stone, fingers grasping at tiny crevices for purchase, I was singing a different tune. I remember the first two ascents I was yelling at myself in my mind: Damn it Lizz! What were you thinking? You could have signed up for sea kayaking! But NO! You had to be brave and climb a fucking cliff face! My legs were shaking and I thought I was going to pee myself and ruin the belayer's day. But then, I got over it and loved it. As soon as I stopped bitching at myself I started having a great time. My arms and fingertips ached for days but it was a good ache, the pain of accomplishment.

I have so much I want to accomplish this weekend. I want to reorganize my bookshelves and office. I want to clear out my kitchen cupboards. I want and need to finish editing my piece for VAMP on Thursday and prepare for my reading Friday. But it is raining. And I have 2 books I want to read. I think I'll make the books little rewards. Clear one cupboard, read one chapter, Etc. Baby steps.

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