Saturday, March 10, 2012


I went to see Saul Williams last night. He is quite a performer, another level. He has so much energy and gives everything. Pretty awesome to watch and experience. It was almost as if he was ecstatic, the religious fervor.

I enjoyed the show and was happy to be there but I am completely unused to being around that many people and staying out late. This morning I'm tired in an odd way. My limbs are a little weak, a physical ache. I don't like crowds. It isn't that I'm uncomfortable or insecure, but I like a buffer of space around me. I don't like small talk. I don't like drunk people. I enjoy my personal space, my psychic space. I spent much of the night by my baby sister, I kept putting my arm around her as if she were an anchor. I love having sisters who are my friends.

The weather has been gorgeous and warm, sunny. I've been lucky enough to be working these last couple of weeks in La Jolla, the Pacific Ocean in front of me daily. I am truly grateful for my line of work and the solitude it allows me. I spend my days painting in silence, listening to audiobooks or music. I get to watch birds, insects. I come home smelling like sweat, and this week, rosemary, as I've been trampling through a patch to get to what I need to paint.

Even though at times it is exhausting, I truly love physical work. Our bodies are meant to work. We've lost so much of that these days with easy living. My generation, at least in my family, is the first that has the option not to work with the body. I wonder if there is such a thing as cellular genetic memory that craves physical work, since for generations we have been workers. I remember my ex-love was very unsatisfied, always always and I am sure he still is. He never did anything with his body. Then he worked for a my dad for a little while; painting, sanding, sweating. Those days he worked he was tired but there was a calm to him was unfamiliar and welcome. Movement, sweat, purpose are a part of living a good life.

Looking forward to spending my days in the sunshine.

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