Tuesday, January 8, 2013

the brave

This morning when I signed into Facebook I received a shock. A friend of mine, a rather close friend who I knew to be single, posted a picture of himself kissing a woman, with the caption Spoiler alert: I got married. Jaw dropped, awed, confused, I sent him a message then we talked on the phone. Done. Married. After a three week whirlwind courtship. There was no doubt in his voice, no fear. He was full of love, amazement at the women he had fallen in love with. There are naysayers, there will always be naysayers. I told him I was happy for him, and I am. I told him I was proud of him for taking a risk, for doing what felt right. I thought about him all morning. What a crazy brave thing to do.

Today I'm experimenting with a different kind of editing. We'll see. I'm trying my best to be brave and not give into the fear voice, the one that mentions all the things that can go wrong, all the ways there are to fail. But failure isn't a terrible thing. I loved this Brene Brown TED talk on Shame. I watched it this weekend and it was pretty damn inspiring. I keep reminding myself that failure isn't the worst thing in the world. Not trying is worse. And bravery is supposed to be action in spite of fear.

I called my mom to tell her about my friend getting marriage and she said That's wonderful! Don't elope. Ha! Even if I eloped I don't think a wedding could be avoided. Too much family.

So many dreams of swimming these days. Dreams of communing with underwater mammals. Lolling against the largesse and warmth of a wet velvet sea lion. Dreams of learning how to angle my body to ride tidal waves safely in to shore. Dreams of curling up in a current of heat while the waters around me shifted into stained glass.

Now, to write.

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